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39 | How to Resolve Conflict with Confidence

It’s possible to resolve conflict in a healthy way, no matter the outcome.

When you resolve conflict in a healthy, confident way you’ll get better at avoiding conflict altogether in the future.

The first step in resolving a conflict is understanding what’s really at the heart of the disagreement.

Usually, the answer is someone’s feelings were hurt.

When you have hurt feelings, it’s easy to let it fester and not tell anyone.

Sometimes you don’t share your hurt feelings because you might not really know what’s causing them!

Which is why “inner work” and self reflection is a healthy part of all relationships.

I’m going to show you how being honest and trusting yourself is a huge step towards confidence, plus the easiest way to get things back on track.


Highlights from this episode

  • You can’t put “I feel” in front of something as a way to hide your accusations
  • Why being wrong is better than being stubborn
  • Confident resolution means not taking things personally
  • If you’re not voicing your expectations, you can’t expect people to meet them
  • One way to tell if you’re the problem

More about conflict resolution

Not everyone is skilled at communication, especially when there’s a disagreement.

Always start by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. No one is hurt by assuming people have good intentions.

Giving grace to the person you’re at odds with gives you an advantage because you care about reaching a solution rather than being right.

Confident people are less concerned with being right and more concerned with knowing what’s right.

If you’re confident, you’re not afraid of being wrong or admitting you made a mistake. You’re also not going to get offended or take it personally if someone accuses you of something.

That doesn’t mean you should take on all the blame or responsibility, but don’t be confused that confidence means you think you’re always right.

You might feel justified in your position, but there’s always a piece of the conflict you don’t know.

Asking a lot of questions helps you understand why the other person reacted the way they did.

Remember, there are always hurt feelings in a conflict. That’s normal, and both sides should apologize for hurting any feelings.

However, feelings are different from interpretations. No one can feel like you were doing something, but they can feel sad or disappointed.

Don’t allow someone to tell you their feelings are valid when what they’re actually saying is an interpretation of a situation.

You need to have a chance to explain your intentions, and vice versa.

The ideal scenario for a healthy conflict resolution is where each person owns their contribution to the conflict, apologizes for hurt feelings, and makes a plan to avoid the miscommunication in the future.

Keeping your expectations at a reasonable level and making sure people are aware of your expectations is a great way to avoid conflict.

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April 10, 2018

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