40 | How to Prevent Your Feelings From Being Controlled by the Actions of Others

Learning to prevent your feelings from being controlled by others is key to living a happy, low-stress life.

The main causes of resentment, disappointment, and general saltiness come from not taking ownership of your feelings and not communicating your expectations.

Read that last sentence again, because it’s important. I want to make sure you really let that sink in.

Taking ownership of your feelings is not an intuitive thing, it takes practice.

Communicating your expectations can be scary if you’re saying it to someone you’re afraid will leave you if you stand up for yourself.

But this is all the more reason it’s important to do!

You are in control of your response to situations. Therefore, you can control your feelings over time if you take back the power you’re giving to other people.

Listen to the episode to learn all about keeping your expectations in check and taking back the control over your feelings!

Highlights from this episode

Why your mindset is preventing you from enjoying everything from your vacations to your beach body.

How to figure out if your expectations are realistic or not.

What you can do to start taking control of your feelings and not giving your emotional power to other people.

More about taking control of your feelings…

One of the biggest things I learned by being let down countless times by the people around me was that it was my fault.

When I was younger, I felt so hurt when my friends forgot to call me.

It made me feel unloved and ignored if my boyfriend didn’t pick up on the fact I was sad or annoyed.

Whenever someone wouldn’t interpret my silence as a problem they needed to solve, I thought they didn’t care about me.

I needed to get my expectations in check before I started allowing their actions to dictate how I felt. Because it used to impact me for days after it happened.

But I soon realized, they weren’t being mean to me, they were just doing what they had to do.

Everyone has their own stuff going on, don’t take things so personally.

It was unrealistic for me to have high expectations when I never gave them a chance to meet them.

Instead of telling my boyfriend I felt upset, I waited to see if he could figure it out.

I even told myself if they didn’t know why I felt upset, then they don’t understand me enough to really love me.

It’s definitely not something I recommend.

What was really going on was I didn’t have the courage to communicate my feelings.

Instead, I chose to had over the control of my emotions to a guessing game I forced them to play. Not healthy behavior.

But now? I take control of the situation by expressing my feelings and proactively letting people know what I expect from them.

Not just that, I drastically lowered my expectations of other people.

I didn’t do this because I have no faith in others.

I did it because if my expectations are zero then anything other people do for me is above and beyond what I’m expecting!

It’s the only way to always be pleasantly surprised!

Plus, did you catch the free resource I mentioned in this episode?

Click here to download Thoughts That Uplift!

The “mad lib” style body confidence guide to improving the way you think about your body.


April 17, 2018


Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping strong women process critical thoughts and heal insecurities.

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