Confidence isn’t based on your situation. But for most people, that’s how they measure it. When everything is going wrong, you doubt yourself and wonder if you ever really knew what you were doing in the first place.
True confidence comes from knowing who you are, regardless of the circumstances and taking action anyway. The only thing you can control in life is yourself (to a certain extent) everything else is up to God.
So when things are going wrong, remember a few things.
First, you don’t get to decide what’s “wrong” and “right” in your life.
God is working in everything, and chances are you’ll look back at this time and see how God was actually working for your good. Because that’s how He rolls. Think of how many crap situations He has used to make something amazing.
If you want to be cliche, call it a blessing in disguise.
I know it’s not what you want to hear because it doesn’t change the fact things are hard…but this is life. Try looking at the situation with curiosity rather than stress.
“I wonder how God will use this?” is a more confident response than, “why is this happening!”
Next, your worth isn’t measured by how many “wins” you have.
Self worth isn’t a math equation, but man we treat it like one. We chase the approval of other people when we already have the unconditional love of Christ.
Why do we do that?
Because we quickly forget who we truly are. You are given a fixed amount of value the moment your life began. Then, as a child of God, you are called worthy, precious in His sight, and dearly loved. Nothing you do can add to or take away from the intrinsic value God gave you.
No matter how perfectly shaped they are or how many the kid makes, they’re still mud pies. Mom and Dad aren’t going to put those on the dinner table or use them for anything…no matter how proud the kid is.
They will love their child regardless of those mud pies because they aren’t worth anything in the grand scheme of things. That’s like us with our lives on earth. We can look fit and make money, but God isn’t impressed with that. That’s not what He cares about.
He cares about YOU, your heart, and having a relationship with you. That’s a pretty cool thing, right? You can’t become worth more or less because of your “mud pies”, so stop measuring yourself like that.
When things go wrong, remember confidence doesn’t come from the calculation of wins or losses in your life. It comes from the fact God is in control and we are just instruments He is using to carry out His plan. Finally, you can feel confident when things go wrong by looking back on when things went right.
It’s happened to me quite a few times. But every time, God came through in a really cool way to show me His plan and guide me on His path. I look at hard breakups, losing money, jobs, friendships, etc. Not getting a job or an apartment I really wanted turned into even better opportunities later.
So while things seem bad now, remember other times God came through for you. He loves coming through for you and He will do it again.
You cannot understand what that is, especially not all at once. You get a glimpse into the plan as He unfolds it. The way to feel confident when everything is falling apart in your life is remembering who is in control.
Then, you can choose to trust it or try to wrestle with Him for control. In my experience, God wins that one every time – so I’m really leaning into the whole trust thing.
Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping strong women process critical thoughts and heal insecurities.
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