How to Know if Your Confidence is Heading in the Right Direction

If you want to feel more confident about your body, it starts with understanding why you’re not already there.


Ignoring your feelings, pretending like your insecurities aren’t there, that’s not helping you get anywhere.


In order to become the best version of yourself, you have to accept all your flaws.


This doesn’t come from self deprecating comments or thoughts.


I mean real, honest admissions of all the mean stuff you’re telling yourself, the reasons you feel unworthy, etc.


That’s a hard thing to do.


Doing that alone puts you ahead of probably 80% of people in the world.


Becoming self aware is the first and most important part.


If you’re aware of the fact you want to practice building confidence, you’re heading in the right direction.


How do you actually do this?


You list out all the things you believe – the thoughts holding you back. You get an understanding of your insecurities.


This creates a starting point.


You can’t get anywhere if you don’t know where you’re starting from, right? I’m a huge fan of analogies, so buckle up.


If you ask me for directions to Minneapolis, the first question I’m going to ask is “from where?”


So don’t feel bad if you’re still “not there” if you never got clear on your starting point!


Once you know where you’re starting, you can decide where you want to go.


Get really honest about why you want to go there, too.


Maybe you realize Minneapolis isn’t exactly what you’re looking for.


You might be more of a Duluth or St. Cloud kind of person.


Perhaps you want to head all the way north to Roseau, my mom’s hometown.


Or you might discover you’d rather not visit Minnesota and head to Chicago instead.


All fine by me.


No matter what your confidence destination, it’s okay. You just need to know why you want to go there and what you’re expecting to get out of it.


Don’t go to Duluth if you’re looking for the best deep dish pizza, right?


You’d definitely want to head to the windy city for that.


Great. So you have point A and point B.


Now you can get clear directions for your trip.  


Before the fancy GPS and Google Maps on your phone, people noted landmarks along their journey so they knew they were heading in the right direction.


You can do the same in your confidence journey.


Here’s how to know if your confidence is heading in the right direction.


Some confidence landmarks include…


  • Feeling comfortable accepting compliments
  • Not apologizing for the way you look
  • Making clothing choices based on your preferences, not other people’s comfort
  • Looking at your body without criticizing it
  • Eating when you’re hungry without guilt
  • Barely noticing if you haven’t shaved in a few days (or weeks)
  • Focusing on pleasure during sex, not performance or expectations
  • Telling people what you want
  • Focusing on big picture thinking, not day to day weight fluctuations
  • Your weight is the last thing on your mind most days


How long your trip takes? That’s up to you.


It’s going to take longer without a guide, but you can still get there on your own.


This is why I started my podcast and confidence coaching practice.


One last piece of advice, please don’t compare your trip to anyone else’s.


You never know their starting point, mode of transportation, destination, etc. I know I’m getting pretty deep into this analogy, but it’s a good one.


Maybe your friend is flying to NYC and you’re biking to LA. Don’t compare yourself when you don’t have all the information.


But one way you’re almost guaranteed to get there faster – and be less stressed out in the process – is by getting advice from an experienced traveler.


There’s no question, using Google Maps is just the smart way to get somewhere.


You can choose the best route, avoid construction, and it even helps you avoid traffic.


So getting a confidence coach to navigate the roadblocks, avoid gridlock, and get you where you want to go, that’s also just the smart way to build your confidence.


November 15, 2018


Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping strong women process critical thoughts and heal insecurities.

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