Getting Over the Guy You Never Dated

Getting over someone is easier when you know exactly who they are. It’s hard when you’re only working with an idea of who they could be. When you never actually dated someone, it’s hard to let go of who you built them up to be in your mind. So here’s how to get over him – especially if you never dated.

Monitor Your Emotional Energy

Be careful not to invest time thinking about someone who’s not in your life.

Delete Their Message Thread

Minimize Their Influence in Your World

Shorten his name in your phone, delete his contact photo. You’re going to respond differently to “Jake” than you would to “Jacob Anderson” with a picture of his smiling face. Be careful to not invest too much in someone who’s not investing in you.

Let Go of What Could Have Happened

Letting your imagination run wild isn’t helping. You’re imagining what this person would’e been like in a relationship. The reality is, you already know… because you didn’t have one. Exactly what you had with this guy could be the extent of the capacity of your relationship.

You can’t multiply your experience with someone and extrapolate it over months and years and make that what your relationship could’ve been. What if he’s one of those guys who’s only good for 3-4 dates? They showed you everything they had and when you wanted more, they got scared.

What Are the Facts?

You haven’t heard from him in a long enough time where you noticed. There are so many different reasons why someone isn’t reaching out. Instead of choosing to believe it’s something you did, you can choose to believe that’s his own deal. He’s got stuff going on, he’s prioritizing other people and other things over you. Those are the facts. It’s not that he doesn’t have time, everyone has time – especially right now.

He’s not prioritizing talking to you. That doesn’t mean you’re not worth being a priority, it just means he doesn’t want to. So instead, spend energy investing in yourself, moving on, and making room in your heart to give him grace.

Create Space for Grace

What if he actually is going through something really hard and you’re sitting there thinking he sucks? That’s going to feed the narrative that he’s being selfish or mean. Why not believe he’s just doing other things and gracefully move on and let it go?

Tell yourself,

“I haven’t heard from this guy, he’s prioritizing other things over me. I’m looking for a relationship where I’m the priority and I can prioritize that other person. So right now, this is not something I’m available to pursue. This is not something I have emotional capacity for.”

Don’t Dwell in Bitterness

Moving on means if or when he reaches out, you’re in a good place emotionally to handle that situation with class and confidence. Classy women don’t cop an attitude with someone when they zombie you.

Leave him going, “dang, I really missed my opportunity with her,” rather than, “omg she’s a nightmare.”

People deserve to be met with grace and kindness. That’s what makes you a confident woman because you don’t need validation from others. You also don’t feel the need to right the wrongs that people have done to you. Bitterness is a waste of energy, you aren’t winning anything by letting that situation have power over you.

You shift the perspective away from you being wronged in the first place. Someone not texting you is not a war crime. Stop making yourself the victim of every guy who didn’t end up in a long term relationship with you, it just didn’t work out.

Get help with your breakup.

The Confidently She Self Coaching Subscription has confidence training sessions on how to deal with a breakup. It’s literally perfect for you. Subscribe today for exclusive audio sessions, reflective journal prompts, and a training vault organized by category (like breakups, body image, etc)


October 19, 2020


Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping strong women process critical thoughts and heal insecurities.

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