Learning to Love Your Body, Stage One

I made a quick sketch to show how I see the progression of relationships — in general — so you can start leaning to love your body. We get so in our head about our bodies, self love, etc. but it’s literally the same as any other relationship. The same rules apply.

Stages of Relationship

  • building familiarity
  • signs of respect
  • showing appreciation
  • committing to love

Let’s start with familiarity. Rather than bite off more than you can chew, take this whole things one stage at a time. We all start in stage one – no matter what. Maybe the concept of sitting down and looking at your body feels insane. Or maybe it scares you, cause you’re like “I’m not gonna like what I find” but guess what?

It’s the only path to loving your body.

The 👏🏻only👏🏻way. This is how it starts, you need to know something in order to love it. I mean, really know it. Not just on the surface, not just the pretty stuff…the real stuff.

Learning to Love Your Body

Logical relationship progression

All relationships follow this progression. When it comes to the relationship we have with our bodies, though, we assume most of the work is done for us.

Because we spend passive time with our bodies constantly, we confuse that for knowing our bodies. It’s not the same.

You can sit next to a co-worker and know very little about who they are, even if you interact every single day.

We give up on loving our bodies without taking the time to follow this logical progression of relationships. Don’t feel bad if it’s been hard to love your body – you actually don’t know your body.

If you’re afraid to go deeper, trust me. Your body is waiting for you to know it more than the superficial imperfections and disappointments. It’s safe for you to do this.

Why you avoid knowing your body

There was a time in my life I wouldn’t look at my body. It wasn’t intentional, I was so disconnect from myself, I didn’t realize I avoided looking at my body. Subconsciously, I didn’t want to be reminded of the parts I didn’t like, so I spent very little “quality time” with my body.

We do this to protect ourselves from pain. We run – we hide – we avoid. Because avoiding feels safer than facing what scares us. But truly confident women know it’s better to temporarily face a fear than consistently allow dull pain. Slowly I grew more familiar with my body, knowing the full story, and realized the way I look is the least interesting part about it.

Depth breeds depth

Think of a recent friend you made. When did you start liking them beyond just an acquaintance. Probably when they said something that surprised you and left you curious to know more. There was depth – there was vulnerability.

That’s what makes people interesting. That’s the thing people fall in love with. The same is true for your body. Treating your body in a superficial way leads to a shallow relationship, just like with anything else. So take time to familiarize yourself with your body in a deeper way – allow yourself to be vulnerable with yourself.

Reflect on things like…

  • Sickness you’ve overcome
  • Physical challenges or competitions
  • Scars from adventures or accidents
  • Features from your family (shape of your fingers, nose, or toes)
  • Birthmarks, moles, and freckles (what’s new? what’s old?)

Once you’re familiar with your body, you can move on to the next stage of relationship. Developing respect.

Did you love this??

Subscribe to Confidently She, the self-coaching platform to become the most confident version of you. You’ll get audio sessions walking you through building Familiarity, Respect, Appreciation, and Commitment to your body.


June 11, 2020


Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping strong women process critical thoughts and heal insecurities.

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