Learning to Love Your Body: Stage One – Familiarity

I made a quick sketch to show how I see the progression of relationships — in general — so you can start leaning to love your body. We get so in our head about our bodies, self love, etc. but it’s literally the same as any other relationship. The same rules apply.

Stages of Relationship

  • building familiarity
  • signs of respect
  • showing appreciation
  • committing to love

Let’s start with familiarity. Rather than bite off more than you can chew, take this whole things one stage at a time. We all start in stage one – no matter what. Maybe the concept of sitting down and looking at your body feels insane. Or maybe it scares you, cause you’re like “I’m not gonna like what I find” but guess what?

It’s the only path to loving your body.

The 👏🏻only👏🏻way. This is how it starts, you need to know something in order to love it. I mean, really know it. Not just on the surface, not just the pretty stuff…the real stuff.

Learning to Love Your Body

Listen to Confidently She, episode 133 for more on building body familiarity. Sign up for The Confidence Kickstart online course here.

Logical relationship progression

Imagine cancelling a date with a guy your friend set you up with and she asks why you’re backing out.

“I just don’t know if we’re compatible? He’s 5’11” and works in finance. I tried and it’s just really hard for me to love him.”

Are you insane? Wasn’t this supposed to be your first date? Yeah.

You’re not a psycho like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction – you can’t fall in love with someone based on a few shallow facts. Yet, we do this with our bodies and assume there’s nothing to love.

Before going deeper than the surface, we give up on loving our bodies and ourselves. Don’t feel bad if it’s been hard to love your body – you don’t know your body.

If you’re afraid to go deeper, trust me. Your body is waiting for you to know it more than the superficial imperfections and disappointments. It’s safe for you to do this.

Why you avoid knowing your body

There was a time in my life I wouldn’t look at my body. It wasn’t intentional, I just chose to disconnect from myself because I wasn’t comfortable in my skin. I didn’t want to be reminded of the parts I didn’t like, so I spent very little “quality time” with my body.

We do this to protect ourselves from pain. We run – we hide – we avoid. Because avoiding feels safer than facing what scares us. But truly confident women know it’s better to temporarily face a fear than consistently allow dull pain. Slowly I grew more familiar with who my body is and learned the way I look is the least interesting part of my body.

Action Step: get to know your body

Take some time to look at yourself (not using a mirror) just use your eyes and look at your body.

What do you notice? Look at every inch – do it slowly. You don’t have to rush through every part of your life. Take time to be slow.

How does each part of your body feel? What features remind you of your parents? Start telling yourself the full story of your body.

Not the same old superficial story about weight, swimsuit season, and dimming the lights during sex – you’ve been replaying that one for years. Tell the interesting story. The one about hiking trips, family heritage, and lovers your body carried you through every season of your life.

A story worth falling in love with.

Depth breeds depth

Think of the first time you started liking someone more than just an acquaintance. It’s probably because you found out something about them that was interesting. Something about them surprised you and left you wanting to know more. There was depth – there was vulnerability.

Treating your body in a superficial way leads to a shallow relationship, just like with anything else. So take time to familiarize yourself with your body in a deeper way – allow yourself to be vulnerable with yourself.

Reflect on things like…

  • Sickness you’ve overcome
  • Physical challenges or competitions
  • Scars from adventures or accidents
  • Features from your family (shape of your fingers, nose, or toes)
  • Birthmarks, moles, and freckles (what’s new? what’s old?)

Once you’re familiar with your body, you can move on to the next stage of relationship. Developing respect.

Did you love this??

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June 11, 2020


Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping ambitious women break through insecurities using logic.

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