47 | Infidelity: You Don’t Need to Take the Blame

Blaming yourself for being cheated on is the default setting for most people.

I understand, it’s natural to criticize yourself and find flaws, especially in your appearance.

But when you really think about it, cheating is a result of selfishness.

Selfish people are only thinking of, wait for it, themselves.

So it really has nothing to do with YOU, and everything to do with THEM.

They did something bad. Chances are they would’ve cheated on anyone they’re dating, not just you.

It was a choice they made.

There was a reason for that choice, no matter what you look like or how you treated them.

I believe cheating goes so much deeper than just physical attraction.

How ridiculous would that be if someone actually threw away their relationship because they just wanted to get with someone who’s hotter than you?

Pretty ridiculous.

Even if that IS the reason, it’s still about THEM being shallow and immature.

After finding out someone you trusted was unfaithful, it effects your body image and self confidence.

But adjusting your mindset away from, “they rejected me” and towards, “they’re selfishness exists outside of me” can be a tough one to make.

This episode of The Body Confidence Podcast covers a few mindset shifts you can make to help you really believe you’re not to blame for your (hopefully ex) partner’s infidelity.

Things to remember when you’re blaming yourself for being cheated on…

  1. Have they cheated on any of their ex’s? If so, then it’s really, really not about you.
  2. They’re a grown adult, they made a choice. No one forced them to do anything.
  3. The person they cheated with is also being cheated on. It’s not about THEM either. It’s about the person messing around (leave them)
  4. No one changes without an incentive. If you’re staying together, they need to feel a consequence for their actions. You need to follow through on that consequence.
  5. Long term change can only be shown in the long term. Breaking up with them and getting back together in a month is not long enough.
  6. It’s their responsibility to communicate any feelings, disappointments, or frustrations going on within them. You’re not a mind reader. If something was upsetting them or they felt distant, it’s on them to make it clear that something isn’t right.
  7. Mature adults don’t cheat just because they want to have sex with someone better looking. That’s ridiculous. There’s always something deeper going on.
  8. The way you look did not make them cheat on you. Period.
  9. You did not make them cheat on you. Remember, they’re a grown adult who makes their own choices. They did this.

It sounds cliche to say, “you’re better off without them.” even though it’s very true. Instead of leaving you with that advice, tell yourself, you’re better off finding someone who’s capable of loving you the way you love them.

Because it comes down to the type of love you give and receive.

You deserve to get the love you give, everyone does.


June 12, 2018


Rebekah Buege is a body confidence coach helping strong women process critical thoughts and heal insecurities.

subscribe here

Confidence mini-series library


Push notifications & journal prompts


Ad-free listening


Exclusive podcast content


train your mind, enjoy your life.

Self- Coaching Subscription

Straight from the Heart

take your confidence to-go

Ready for More?

Hello, Queen

nope. I don't like free advice.

You're invited to join the email newsletter for modern women going from disconnected to fully present in their body.